5 Counter-Intuitive Truths About Success from the book ‘Mindset’

Introduction: The Hidden Belief That Runs Your Life

Why do some people thrive when faced with a challenge, while others crumble or avoid challenges altogether? Why do some see failure as a springboard for growth, while others see it as a devastating final verdict on their worth? According to Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, the answer lies in a single, powerful belief.

In her groundbreaking research, Dweck discovered that we operate from one of two core “mindsets.” A fixed mindset is the belief that your qualities, like intelligence or talent, are carved in stone. You have a certain amount, and that’s that. A growth mindset, on the other hand, is the belief that your basic qualities can be cultivated through effort, strategy, and experience.

This one simple belief, Dweck argues, permeates every part of your life, from how you see failure to what makes a relationship last. Here are five of the most counter-intuitive and powerful truths about success from her book, Mindset.

1. Why Praising Your Kids’ Intelligence Can Be Harmful

It seems like the most natural thing in the world: your child does something brilliant, so you praise their ability. “You’re so smart!” But Dweck’s research reveals this common practice can be incredibly damaging.

In a landmark study, researchers gave students a set of problems. Afterward, one group was praised for their ability (“You must be smart at this”), while the other was praised for their effort (“You must have worked really hard”).

The results were staggering. The students praised for ability overwhelmingly rejected a challenging new task they could learn from; they didn’t want to do anything that could expose their flaws and call into question their talent. In contrast, 90 percent of the effort-praised students chose the harder task. After hitting a snag on more difficult problems, the ability-praised group’s confidence and enjoyment plummeted. Perhaps most shockingly, almost 40 percent of them lied about their scores when asked to report them to others.

This reveals the central paradox of ability-praise: in the attempt to build confidence, it installs a fixed mindset that makes confidence far more fragile. It creates a simple but dangerous equation in a child’s mind:

If success means they’re smart, then failure means they’re dumb. That’s the fixed mindset.

This finding is crucial for parents and educators. To build resilient confidence, we must teach children to value the process—the effort, the strategies, the perseverance—that leads to achievement, not just the fragile label of being “smart.”

2. Effort Isn’t a Sign of Weakness; It’s the Mark of a Champion

In the fixed mindset, effort is terrifying. If you are truly talented or a “natural,” success should be effortless. The need to try hard casts doubt on your genius and, worse, robs you of all excuses if you fail.

The growth mindset flips this belief on its head. Here, effort is what ignites your ability and turns it into real accomplishment. It’s not a sign of deficiency; it’s the very thing that makes you talented.

This is powerfully illustrated in the myth of the “natural” athlete. Michael Jordan, perhaps the greatest basketball player of all time, was repeatedly overlooked. He was cut from his high school varsity team. He wasn’t recruited by the college he wanted to play for, NC State. He wasn’t even drafted by the first two NBA teams that could have chosen him. He wasn’t born a flawless legend; he was known throughout his career for being the hardest-working athlete in the game.

Legendary basketball coach John Wooden believed that this kind of character is what keeps you at the top, because it prevents the complacency that comes from believing you can just “turn it on” without proper preparation.

“I believe ability can get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there….When you read about an athlete or team that wins over and over and over, remind yourself, ‘More than ability, they have character.’ ”

This reframes how we view our heroes. They aren’t just born different; they become extraordinary through purposeful engagement and relentless effort.

3. Failure Doesn’t Define You—It Develops You

The two mindsets have radically different interpretations of failure. Dweck illustrates this with a vignette where young adults imagine getting a C+ on an important midterm. Those with a fixed mindset reacted with a feeling of utter failure and paralysis. The grade wasn’t just a grade; it was a permanent label.

In stark contrast, those with a growth mindset, while disappointed, saw the C+ as a signal. It meant they needed to study harder or try a different strategy for the next test. They were ready to confront the problem directly without self-judgment.

A powerful real-world example is Jim Marshall, a defensive player for the Minnesota Vikings. In one game, he famously recovered a fumble and ran it for a touchdown—in the wrong direction, scoring for the other team on national television. Instead of letting this devastating mistake define him, he used it. Pulling himself together for the second half, he played some of his best football ever and contributed to his team’s victory. This demonstrates a crucial choice point: Marshall could have let the mistake become his identity, a fixed label of “the guy who ran the wrong way.” Instead, he treated it as a data point, an experience to integrate and grow from.

Even in the growth mindset, failure can be a painful experience. But it doesn’t define you. It’s a problem to be faced, dealt with, and learned from.

The growth mindset, then, transforms failure from a verdict on your identity into a diagnostic tool for your journey.

4. The “Meant-to-Be” Relationship Is a Harmful Myth

Mindsets deeply influence our approach to romantic relationships. A fixed mindset fosters the belief that if you’re truly compatible, everything should come naturally. A relationship, like talent, shouldn’t require work.

This leads to two destructive beliefs. First, that your partner should be able to read your mind. Second, that any problem is a sign of a deep, unfixable flaw in the partner or the relationship itself. Dweck highlights this with the story of Charlene and Max, who fell deeply in love, convinced they had found their soulmate. But when Max’s moodiness required Charlene to put in effort to navigate his feelings, they both saw it as a bad sign. They felt a “meant-to-be” relationship shouldn’t need that kind of work, and they let their promising connection wither and die.

Renowned psychiatrist Aaron Beck identifies this belief as one of the most dangerous a couple can hold.

…one of the most destructive beliefs for a relationship is “If we need to work at it, there’s something seriously wrong with our relationship.”

A growth mindset offers a healthier, more realistic view. It accepts that a good, lasting relationship comes from effort and from partners working through their inevitable differences, transforming a relationship from a place of constant judgment into a partnership for mutual development.

5. Talent Isn’t Just Born; It’s Grown (Even for Artists)

Nowhere is the myth of the “gift” more prevalent than in the arts. We tend to believe that artistic ability is a pure, innate talent that you either have or you don’t.

Betty Edwards, author of Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, powerfully debunks this idea. She argues that drawing is not a magical ability but a set of learnable seeing skills: the ability to perceive edges, spaces, relationships, light, and shadow. Her work provides stunning proof. The “before-and-after” self-portraits of her students show that after a short, five-day course, people who previously drew like children could produce startlingly realistic portraits.

Famed choreographer Twyla Tharp dismisses the romantic notion of the effortless genius, even for figures like Mozart. As she notes, creativity is not magic but the “result of hard work and dedication.” This principle extends to artists like Jackson Pollock, who became one of the greatest American painters of the twentieth century through sheer dedication, despite experts agreeing he had little apparent “native talent” early in his career.

Just because some people can do something with little or no training, it doesn’t mean that others can’t do it (and sometimes do it even better) with training.

This concept radically expands our own potential. It suggests that many abilities we may have written off as “not for us” might be well within our reach if we’re willing to learn the skills and put in the work.

Conclusion: Which World Will You Choose?

The core theme of Mindset is that these powerful beliefs are not permanent fixtures of our personality. Understanding the difference between the fixed and growth mindsets gives you a choice—a choice between a world of judgment and a world of growth.

The ultimate lesson from Dweck’s work is that you have a choice. Mindsets are not dictates; they are beliefs. As you move forward from this article, the critical question remains: where do you want to go, and which mindset will take you there?