Brené Brown’s Playbook: The 5 Most Surprising Truths of Courageous Leadership

In today’s complex and rapidly changing world, leadership often means navigating relentless uncertainty, fostering innovation on demand, and having conversations that are anything but easy. We’re all looking for a playbook, a guide to leading with more impact and less fear. For many, the research of Dr. Brené Brown has become that guide, offering practical, actionable, and often surprising insights into the heart of our biggest leadership challenges.

This post distills five of the most transformative truths from her book, Dare to Lead. Forget what you think you know about leadership “best practices.” These lessons challenge conventional wisdom and provide a clear, research-backed path to becoming a braver, more effective leader.

1. Vulnerability Isn’t Weakness; It’s the Strongest Measure of Courage

In most workplaces, vulnerability is seen as a liability. We’re taught to project strength, hide uncertainty, and never let them see us sweat. But Brené Brown’s research flips this idea on its head, revealing a fundamental truth: courage is impossible without vulnerability.

She defines vulnerability as “the emotion that we experience during times of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” It’s not about oversharing or emotional purging; it’s about having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.

To test this idea, Brown once asked a group of military special forces soldiers to give her a single example of courage that did not require vulnerability. After a long silence, one young man spoke up: “No, ma’am. Three tours. I can’t think of a single act of courage that doesn’t require managing massive vulnerability.”

This insight reframes fear and uncertainty not as signs of weakness to be avoided, but as the very prerequisites for brave work and daring leadership. This redefines the leader’s job: not to eliminate risk and uncertainty, but to model the courage to engage with it.

The courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing, it’s about the courage to show up when you can’t predict or control the outcome.

This willingness to show up in uncertainty is the foundation for the next crucial leadership skill: recognizing and reality-checking the fearful stories our brains invent in those very moments.

2. Your Brain Makes Up Stories (and You Need to Check Them)

In the absence of data, human beings are wired to make up stories. It’s a biological survival mechanism that helps us make sense of the world. But at work, these stories—what Brown calls our “shitty first drafts” (SFDs)—are often driven by our deepest fears and insecurities, not facts.

Brown illustrates this with a powerful story of being confronted by her own team. They called a meeting to rumble with her about a pattern of setting unrealistic timelines, working frantically to meet them, and failing. As her CFO, Chaz, explained, “When you set a timeline and we push back because we know it’s unattainable, you get so insistent that we stop pushing. It’s not working.”

As Brown processed this, she realized her SFD wasn’t about ambition; it was driven by fear. Her internal story was that her unreasonable timelines came from “(1) I’m feeling fear, scarcity, and anxiety… or (2) In addition to the daily work we do together, I’m often holding visions of longer-term… commitments… that my team doesn’t even know about…” In her head, she was a failure who was letting everyone down, and her team’s pushback felt like confirmation of that story. This fear-based SFD was what caused her to push her team, not a rational assessment of the work.

The key rumble tool to combat this is a simple but transformative phrase: “The story I’m telling myself is…” By starting a conversation this way, you can share your initial story without presenting it as fact. It de-escalates conflict, invites clarification, and replaces assumption with connection. This single tool can prevent countless misunderstandings, reduce unproductive conflict, and build a powerful foundation of trust within a team.

Just as checking our internal stories prevents unnecessary conflict, the next principle—”Clear is Kind”—shows us how to bring that same clarity to our conversations with others.

3. Stop Avoiding Hard Conversations: “Clear Is Kind. Unclear Is Unkind.”

One of the most foundational principles of daring leadership is the mantra, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” Many leaders avoid clarity because they believe they are being “nice” or polite. In reality, this avoidance is often about protecting our own comfort rather than being truly kind to the person on the other side of the conversation.

Brown points out that feeding people half-truths, not being clear about expectations and then blaming them for not delivering, and talking about people instead of to them are all prime examples of unkindness. These behaviors create confusion, erode trust, and foster resentment.

In the story of her team confronting her about unrealistic timelines, their clarity was a profound act of kindness. It was uncomfortable for Brown to hear, but it allowed her to see her own fear-driven behavior and led to transformative changes in how the team worked together. Adopting this principle shifts feedback and communication from something to dread into a practice of genuine respect and care.

4. Trust Is Built in the Smallest Moments, Not Grand Gestures

We often believe that trust is earned through big, heroic moments and grand gestures. But Brown’s research, illustrated by her “marble jar” metaphor, reveals that trust is actually built in the opposite way: through the slow, steady accumulation of small, seemingly insignificant moments.

The metaphor comes from her daughter, Ellen, who explained that friends earn “marbles” through small, attentive actions—like remembering her grandparents’ names or scooting over to make space for her at a full lunch table. Research confirms this insight. Trust is “the stacking and layering of small moments and reciprocal vulnerability over time.”

Renowned relationship researcher John Gottman calls these “sliding door” moments, where in any interaction we have the choice to connect with someone or turn away.

What I’ve found through research is that trust is built in very small moments, which I call “sliding door” moments… In any interaction, there is a possibility of connecting with your partner or turning away from your partner.

This insight is empowering because it democratizes trust-building. Every “sliding door” moment—every interaction, no matter how small—is a chance to add a marble to someone’s jar, or to let one fall out. Trust isn’t built in the heroic sprint; it’s cultivated in the daily marathon of small, attentive moments.

5. If You’re Not in the Arena, Your Feedback Doesn’t Matter

Daring leadership requires stepping into “the arena”—a concept Brown borrows from a famous Theodore Roosevelt quote. The arena is where we dare greatly, where we risk failure and criticism to do brave work. This led Brown to a powerful rule for navigating feedback: “If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I’m not interested in or open to your feedback.”

The world is full of “cheap seats”—people who hurl judgment and criticism but are never brave with their own lives. A daring leader must learn to filter out this noise and get clear on whose opinions truly matter. This small, trusted group—her “square squad”—is made up of people who love you because of your imperfections and have earned the right to give you honest feedback.

To make this tangible, Brown offers a specific hack: “Get a one-inch by one-inch piece of paper… write down the names of the people whose opinions of you matter… Fold it and put it in your wallet.” This simple action turns an abstract idea into a concrete tool for staying focused.

Criticism often arises from fear or feelings of unworthiness. Criticism shifts the spotlight off us and onto someone or something else. Suddenly we feel safer. And better than.

This principle gives us permission to protect ourselves from unproductive criticism, stay vulnerable, and focus our energy on the people who are also in the arena, striving valiantly alongside us.

Conclusion

Daring leadership isn’t about having all the answers or projecting an armor of invincibility. It’s about having the courage to stay vulnerable, check the stories we make up, value clarity over comfort, build trust in small moments, and listen only to the feedback that matters.

Crucially, these are not innate personality traits; they are observable, measurable, and teachable skills that anyone can learn. They form the foundation of a more connected, creative, and courageous way of working and living. So, what is one piece of armor you’ve been carrying, and what would it look like to dare to set it down tomorrow?

David Goggins’ 40% Rule: The Mindset That Unlocks the 60% of Your Life You’re Not Living

Have you ever hit a wall? That moment during a workout, a project, or a personal challenge when your mind screams that you can’t possibly go any further. It’s a universal feeling of self-doubt, a voice that tells you you’ve reached your absolute limit.

But what if that limit is an illusion? David Goggins is a figure who proves it is. He transformed his life from a “nightmare” of “poverty, prejudice, and physical abuse” into a U.S. Armed Forces icon and one of the world’s top endurance athletes. This article distills the most powerful takeaways from his astonishing story, focusing on a single, transformative idea that can reshape how you see your own capabilities.

1. Your Past is Not Your Prison

The first lesson from Goggins’ life is that a difficult past does not have to dictate your future. His story is a powerful testament to the idea that where you start has no bearing on where you can end up.

He began as “a depressed, overweight young man with no future,” a product of a childhood that was nothing short of a “nightmare” defined by “poverty, prejudice, and physical abuse.” Yet, he refused to let his history write his destiny. This isn’t just about escaping a bad past; it’s about realizing that the resilience forged in fire is the very tool you’ll use to push past your future limits.

2. The 40% Rule: You Have More in the Tank

The core concept that Goggins shares is what he calls “The 40% Rule.” This is the idea that when most of us feel we have reached our absolute physical and mental limit—when we believe we have nothing left to give—we have actually only accessed 40% of our true capabilities.

…most of us tap into only 40% of our capabilities.

Think about what this really means. It means that every time you’ve quit, every time you’ve told yourself “that’s it,” you were likely operating with a full 60% of your potential still in reserve. Your exhaustion wasn’t a stop sign; it was a milestone marking the entry point to your true capabilities.

3. The Path to Potential is Paved with Hardship

Goggins’ story reveals a clear path for anyone looking to push past that 40% barrier: “self-discipline, mental toughness, and hard work.” There are no shortcuts. Accessing your full potential is a direct result of confronting and overcoming difficulty.

His life’s work stands as undeniable proof. He is the “only man in history to complete elite training as a Navy SEAL, Army Ranger, and Air Force Tactical Air Controller.” He didn’t stop there, going on to set records in “numerous endurance events,” inspiring Outside magazine to name him “The Fittest (Real) Man in America.” These are not the accomplishments of a person who avoided pain; they are the results of someone who actively sought it out as a tool for growth. The lesson is clear: embracing difficulty, rather than avoiding it, is the primary mechanism for reaching your full potential.

Conclusion: What’s in Your Other 60%?

The core message from David Goggins’ journey is that our perceived limits are often an illusion constructed by our minds. We all possess a deep, untapped reserve of potential that is only accessible when we push through the discomfort that signals we’ve hit our 40% mark. Through discipline and a willingness to face hardship, we can learn to operate in a completely different realm of capability.

If you started believing you had 60% more to give, what would you dare to accomplish?